(Music: I WILL, Lennon-McCartney) (info./disclaimers [0]) (glossary [0]) (index [0]) (gardening guide [0])

God knows how much I've tilled you
God knows I'm tilling still
It can keep me pretty busy
'Cause I'm wanting to
I till

Chop earthworms into pieces
Turn colloids into dust
Ruin the structure, collapse the tunnels
'Cause I'm 'xpected to
I till

Bring all the weed seeds to the surface
Give them a fresh new start
Upset the natural ecosystem
Ruin a work of art

*Kill microbes, snakes, and critters
Snuff crops, but spread quackgrass
Invert layers, induce runoff
'Cause I'm feeling blue, I till

*Bring all the weed seeds to the surface
Give them a fresh new start
Upset the natural ecosystem
Ruin a work of art

And when at last I've killed you
The ground completely bare
Compacted beyond recognition
By my trusty old ignition
I will still be fond of your condition
Park my tractor there, I will
I will

Comments: *The Beetless add an extra verse and extra bridge to the Beatle's original tune.
Colloids are substances composed of many tiny particles suspended in a gel-like mass, with a lot of surface area in proportion to their weight; they are important in soils both chemically and structurally. (For further information about colloids, crumbs, aggregates, and other difficult soil terms, consult The Soul of Soil by Grace Gershuny and Joseph Smillie.)  Soil microorganisms live at specific soil depths; when layers are disturbed or inverted, those microbes too far from their "home depth" die.
Masters of sincerity and good intentions, the Beetless are, however, not above the occasional satire.

Excerpted from The Beetless' Gardening Book: An Organic Gardening Songbook/Guidebook, copyright 1997 by Chris Roth (info./disclaimers [0]) (glossary [0]) (index [0]) (gardening guide [0])