(Music: HELP!, Lennon-McCartney) (info./disclaimers [0]) (glossary [0]) (index [0]) (gardening guide [0])

Mulch!
I need some humus
Mulch!
Just about any humus
Mulch!
Something to make into humus
Mulch!

When you were young, oh so much younger than today
You dug and tilled and left me bare to burn up in the rays
But now these days are gone, your back has gotten sore
I've closed the window you'd been crawling through, and opened up the door

Mulch me if you can with something brown
'Cause I do appreciate whatever's around
And my soil and water stay this side of town
When you deep, deep mulch me

Potatoes grow through mulch like they're in ecstacy
Harvesting the tubers with bare hands is so easy
Dark stuff helps soil warm up around tomato plants
Its deeper colors soak up sun and stain white pants

Mulch me if you can with something brown
'Cause in nature mulching systems abound
And my soil and water stay this side of town
When you deep, deep mulch me

There are some times when I don't want to be mulched, though
'Cause slugs lay eggs, and multiply, and really, really grow
When they find mulch to call a home, then go out foraging
And soils dry faster without me, when still wet in the spring

Mulch me if you can with something brown
'Cause I do appreciate whatever's around
Especially when the slugs are out of town
Won't you deep, deep mulch me

Mulch me, mulch me -- ooo-mmm

Comments: Note the provisos in the second-to-last verse. Singing on behalf of the soil, the Beetless add a catchy tune to their "mulch" repertoire.

 
Excerpted from The Beetless' Gardening Book: An Organic Gardening Songbook/Guidebook, copyright 1997 by Chris Roth (info./disclaimers [0]) (glossary [0]) (index [0]) (gardening guide [0])