(Music: PAPERBACK WRITER, Lennon-McCartney) (info./disclaimers [0]) (glossary [0]) (index [0]) (gardening guide [0])

Paperback mulcher, paperback mulcher

Dear Sir or Madam, can you spare that book?
Do you have any more? Can I take a look?
Others use newspapers, cardboard too
But I'm a frustrated writer
So I want to be a paperback mulcher
Paperback mulcher

I will tear off the pages and soak them well
And throw them down kind of pell-mell
The edges need to overlap, I want six layers thick
This used to be lawn
But I want to be a paperback mulcher
Paperback mulcher

Paperback mulcher, paperback mulcher

When I've got that plot covered with paperbacks
I will bring in leaves and compost, stuff like that
Manure, floor sweepings, old felt hats
Layered and mixed six inches thick
Because I am a paperback mulcher
Paperback mulcher

The first year I might plant potatoes there
The second year most anything, I don't care
Cardboard or wet newspaper could do the trick as well
But my garden is me
And I want to be a paperback mulcher
Paperback mulcher

Paperback mulcher, paperback mulcher

*The weeds won't come through, you will be amazed
It takes so little work to start your gardening days
You can do this on a vacant lot or do it at a mall
You can do it almost anywhere
If you are a paperback mulcher
Paperback mulcher

If you're using cardboard, I've a tip for you
Remove staples and tape first, or when you're through
You'll be digging up metal, plastic, cellophane
For years to come ...
But I'd rather be a paperback mulcher
Paperback mulcher

Paperback mulcher, paperback mulcher

Paperback mulcher (4x)

Comments: *The two verses beginning with "The weeds won't come through" are "extras," tacked onto the Beatles' original tune.
Only one or two layers are necessary when using cardboard. Be careful when gardening in areas where residues of heavy metals or other toxins may be found. This is perhaps the Beetless' most practical "mulch" song. Many listeners have followed its instructions to the letter and reaped bumper potato crops.

 
Excerpted from The Beetless' Gardening Book: An Organic Gardening Songbook/Guidebook, copyright 1997 by Chris Roth (info./disclaimers [0]) (glossary [0]) (index [0]) (gardening guide [0])